River
by Grey's Princess
Summary: Oneshot. Because every girl's best weapon is her tears. My first shot at an RLNT fanfic.


**I have about a dozen different versions of the scene that inevitably has to happen after the Hospital Wing scene, and plan to write out most of them. This is just the first. Enjoy! Or don't, it's not like I'll find out if that's the case.**

**Disclaimer: I'm American. JK Rowling is not. Need I say more?**

I hadn't cried yet.

I wasn't much of a cry-at-every-little-thing type of person, true, but still, with the way things were going lately it was no small task. In fact, it was the sheer willpower involved in keeping the tears out of my eyes that was making it impossible to morph. If it was just the depression it would have been fine. If I'd let myself have a good cry, I'd be bubblegum pink even now.

But I'd held it in, and not just in front of Him. I'd held it in in front of my parents when they suggested He wasn't what was best for me, in front of Molly when she'd made all those hints about wishing I was part of the family, in front of Bill and Fleur when I had to watch them be the perfect couple while knowing deep down things weren't looking good for me. I had to hold every last tear in, no matter how much I wanted to let it all out.

Because everyone knows a girl's most powerful weapon is crying, and there was bound to be the perfect time.

That time came, as I had felt sure it would from the little "incident" in the hospital wing, when He was walking with me from the Apparation point to make sure I was safe, that awful night Dumbledore had been killed. I probably would have found it all immensely amusing if I wasn't so busy trying not to act completely depressed- He swore up and down that it was a bad idea for Him to get close to me, and yet He always seemed to have some excuse as to why He had to be the one to walk me home, the one to partner with me on missions from the Order, the one to sit next to me in the meetings, even. It was probably a good thing, really- if it weren't for His frequent slip-ups making it clear He really did love me, I probably would have given up and turned into a quivering puddle of despair by now.

But that was exactly what I was going for now. Every ounce of despair in me would probably be required to pull this off, but if there was ever a life-changing cause worth believing in, it was true love, and surely not even He could resist the power of a female emotional breakdown.

He was quiet as ever as we headed back to my flat, standing stiff and rigid just to my right. He always made sure to keep at least a few inches in between us, a decision He was evidently adamant about considering His nearly walking out in the middle of a busy street to avoid my attempt to lessen the space between us. Clearly something someone said in the hospital wing had gotten to Him. Now was the time to act.

"Remus…" I started, just as I had so many times before, letting just a little of the emotion I'd been holding back for absolutely ages slip into my voice. I _had_ to keep control for this to have any chance of working, and that wouldn't happen if I got carried away yet. Baby steps.

He recognized exactly where I was going with this, just as I knew He would. "Nymphadora…"

With that one word, my barriers broke, and every last tear I'd been holding in began to force its way past the floodgate and down my face. So much for keeping control. I'd just have to wing it.

"You," I gasped. "Have _no._ Right. To call me that!"

Already I was totally losing it. It didn't help much that He was standing there looking like I'd slapped Him. But some dark, festering little thing that hid deep within me told me He deserved it, so I pressed on.

"Only people who really love me can call me Nymphadora, and you've made your opinion on that subject bloody clear enough, haven't you?"

That wasn't how I'd meant for all of that to come out. All that time spent rehearsing exactly how much I'd cry and when seemed a waste now, in light of my utter failure so early on. I'd meant for that to be thrown coldly over my shoulder as I marched away in a huff, so that He'd _have _to come after me and talk to me. But no, I had to burst out sobbing at the first sound of my name on His lips and ruin everything. I almost sent myself into full-blown hysteria with that thought- this had been my last hope to win Him over. It felt worthless to even try, but I had to keep going, so I struggled to quiet my sobs some.

It didn't help much- I ended up sounding more hysterical than I had before. Still, my determination to stop my tears was melted when I noticed He had stopped dead in His tracks. The look of anguish he was giving me was almost enough to make me want to forget I'd ever even tried this, to take all of it back and beg Him to at least pretend to be happy again. Only almost, though, because I knew somehow that it wasn't _because_ I was attempting this He was hurting, but because I _needed_ to attempt this. It was His own fault, and I was determined to fix it.

"Tonks…" He tried again, and a wave of sheer irrationality washed over me, making me contradict everything I'd said before.

"No!" I shouted, my voice breaking embarrassingly. "Are you just going to give up that easily? Do I mean that little to you, that you'd give up so readily? Am I that unimportant?"

This time He managed to get something other than my name out, "You know why it can't be," He claimed, almost pleading.

"No!" I shouted again desperately. "I know why _you_ think it can't be! _Those aren't reasons, Remus!_ I've told you and told you none of that matters to me, but do you ever once stop to listen? Of course not! I just have to stand here and wonder what it is I've been doing wrong, that you just keep pushing me away from you!" My cheeks, I could tell, were going alarmingly red, just like they always did when I got to crying. None of that had been rehearsed, spilling past my defenses before I could even stop to think what I was saying to Him. Suddenly I felt like I was a first-year at Hogwarts again, in things way over my head and scared to know how they would turn out. None of which helped with His "too old" thing He always stuck to. Where had all my control over this- over myself- gone to?

"I'm only thinking of you," He hazarded, giving me that same anguished "don't do this" look.

"You're only thinking of yourself!" I corrected Him. "You've been ridiculously selfish throughout all of this! All you can think of is what you want for me, don't you get it? You haven't once stopped to consider what _I_ want for me! And I'm not getting that! Are you going to do something about this? Or are you going to keep being _selfish?"_

I'd struck a nerve, just as I'd hoped I would. "You have _no_ idea of the pain this causes me!" He said, eyes full of hurt and loneliness his words couldn't express.

"Oh, I think I do, Remus," I whispered, anger morphing to quiet despair just as easily as my features once had. "Is this really the way you want things to go? Do you really want us to both be in all this pain when we could make things better so easily?" My words caught in my throat, and I had to start again. "I'm not going to tell you again that I don't care what you are, because you've already heard all that. I'm just going to tell you one last time that I love you." I let a few more tears flow free, crying as much for dramatic effect as for the pain I was feeling. "If you truly want to put us both through this pain, I won't try to stop you anymore. But please, just let me say 'I love you' this last time before you go."

I hung my head, the perfect picture of defeat. This was it- He would turn me down again, and then I'd have to honor my words, and that would be the last of it. None of my efforts, none of the work I'd put into holding back all my tears to this point and rehearsing exactly what I had to say, had been worth anything. I'd failed. Numbly, I tried to imagine what I would do when He asked me to keep my distance. The agony of that thought was enough to make my legs collapse from beneath me.

I hadn't really expected Him to catch me this time, but the shock of hitting the cold hard ground still tapped into a reserve of fresh, bitter tears I didn't know I had left in me. I looked up at Him cautiously, to find Him staring at the moon with a peculiar expression.

"Lunacy," He said quietly, never taking His eyes off the sliver in the sky that had caused Him such misery. "The word comes from the belief that staring at the moon too long would drive you to madness, you know. Oddly fitting,"

I couldn't help but wonder who he was referring to as the lunatic here.

"It's absolute lunacy that I'm about to go back on every principle I've been standing on for all this time. Lunacy that I'm going to put you in all this danger, just for the sake of happiness. Lunacy that I've never really told you how much I love you."

That didn't sound like a rejection to me. But I was an Auror and I know better than to take anything like that for granted. "Could you just give me a straight 'yes' or 'no' so we can get this over with?" I muttered, so low I doubted He heard me.

He turned then, looking first for my face a few feet above me, where it would have been had I not fallen down. Clearly He hadn't noticed my predicament yet. Rather than help me back up as I would have expected, though, He knelt down beside me. "Would you ever be able to accept my apologies?" He asked, looking me right in the red, puffy eyes.

"Would you just answer me!" I snapped back. Patience and despair were two qualities I rarely possessed in combination.

"You're right. I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "Nymphadora, I know it's probably a terrible idea to put you in so much danger like this, but you've made me realize I don't want to stay away from you anymore. It's done nothing but hurt us both, and even though this may hurt you more in the long run, I feel like it must be right somehow. I love you, Dora, more than any number of words could ever convey. And if you'll still have me, I won't fight you on this anymore. We can be together if that's what you want, or can try at least. Whatever you want, I won't argue anymore. I promise."

I took a deep breath of my own. "Good. Now would you stop acting like you're making a mistake?"

The tentative smile that had found its way onto His face moments before vanished. "What?"

"I meant what I said," I told Him, wiping some of the tears off my face. He reached over and brushed away a few more. "I want to be with you, more than anything, but not if you're going to keep up this whole 'this is a bad idea and I'm putting you in danger' crap. Do you have any idea how guilty that makes me feel? I feel like I'm pushing you into something you don't really want to do. It makes me wonder how long it'll be before you decide it's _too_ big of a mistake to ignore and leave me. That's infinitely worse than starting off alone in the first place. So, unless you can stop talking about us like being together is a mistake, there's really no point. I'll just find some way to make it on my own if that's going to be the case."

It hurt Him to hear it, I could tell, but it was perfectly true and it had to be said. I couldn't live my entire life in doubt and fear. There was no way around this issue; He'd just have to accept that.

It was a while before He spoke again. When He did, His voice was strained. "But what if this _is_ a mistake? What if-"

"Did we not just go over this, Remus? This is not a mistake, all right? I am fully aware of the risks, and fully prepared to face them. I would _not_ be here if I didn't love you, either, so don't even start on that." I stopped, regrouping my thoughts. "I'm a big girl, Remus. I can think my own decisions through. I'm not gonna back out. Are you?"

He thought about it for much longer than I would have liked, but when He looked back up at me, I could see the beginnings of a smile in His eyes. "I won't. I promise. Shall I rephrase what I said earlier?" Finally the smile reached the corners of His mouth, which ironically only sent me into a fresh wave of tears. I was beginning to think this whole 'holding back all my tears to use all at once' thing had been a really bad idea. "Nymphadora, you've made me realize tonight that I don't want to- don't need to- stay away from you anymore. It's done nothing but hurt us both, and this just feels so right. I _do_ love you more than words could ever begin to describe, and if all the stupid things I've done haven't already blown my chances, I want to be with you." A look of pure spontaneous resolve crossed His features, and His next words came out in a rush. "Till death do us part. Dora, I realize this is kind of sudden, but I don't want to risk waiting. If I give myself the time, I fear I will begin to second guess this, then I'll never get around to it. Besides, I love you. What more is there?" He paused. "What I mean to say is, will you marry me?"

It took me a while to get my brain functioning well enough to answer Him. "Are you serious?" I finally forced out.

"No, I'm Remus," He joked, in higher spirits than I'd seen Him in a long time. "Did you hit your head when you fell just then?"

I glared at Him, waiting for the moment He'd remember it was His fault I'd fallen in the first place. He seemed to pick up rather fast, turning somber as He reached out to touch my cheek.

"I'm being entirely sincere here," He told me quietly. "Now, I can't promise you anything fancy or extravagant, and what with things as they are, it'll probably take a while to get things straightened out and it'll all probably need to be kept quiet as a safety precaution, but I can promise you that I will never stop loving you. And I would be extremely honored if you would let me have your hand in marriage. Unless that's not what you-" He started, beginning to second-guess Himself, but I interrupted Him.

"Don't be stupid, I could never say no to you. Of course I'll marry you, Remus. As for all that other stuff… Mum and Dad just eloped, you know…"

He looked incredulous for a moment before chuckling. "Your sense of humor has always been one of the things I loved best about you, you know," He told me, and suddenly the gravity of it all hit me. My _fiancé_. We were going to be _married._ I had to blink a couple of times just to remember where I was.

"That's nice. Now would you mind terribly helping me back up? I'm afraid if I try on my own I'll end up killing us both, and then what would the point of all this be?"

Still laughing, He stood up and offered me His hand to pull myself up on. No sooner was I on my feet than He pulled me into a gentle kiss.

The tears began to fall again, victorious and joyful this time, and as He kissed me I could taste salt on my lips from them. It was a bit symbolic really- this kiss was bittersweet like our whole relationship. I would have thought on that more if not for two things: first, I was too preoccupied with the sensation of kissing Him to really care, and second, it was at that moment I discovered a new way to trip and fall while standing in one place. Obviously symbolic irony wasn't all that important right now.

This time, He _did_ catch me in his arms, watching my cheeks flush a violent red. "Stupid gravity," I muttered. "I wasn't finished kissing Him yet!"

He slipped His arm around my waist as I returned to an upright position. "You're not going to do that at our wedding, are you?" He asked warily.

"I'm not making any promises," I replied curtly.

"Well," He responded with a smile the likes of which I had never seen on His face before, "We'll just have to hope for the best. In the meantime, we need to get you home. Out here we're sitting ducks for any Death Eaters trying to come find us." He began to lead me back toward my flat.

"It worked," I murmured, more to myself than to Him, marveling at the fact that I'd actually succeeded, and promising myself _never_ to let out that many tears at once again.

"What worked, Dora?"

So He'd heard me. Oh, well. There was no point keeping it a secret anymore. "Crying did. Men are suckers for tears. I knew it would bring you around."

I could tell He was trying very hard not to let His momentary confusion and realization at what I said show on His face. Needless to say, He was failing. "So what would you say if I told you I knew that's what you were doing all along?" He asked when He got His expression under control.

"I'd say you were lying through your teeth," I answered simply. "Then I'd say that I loved you and I'd kiss you again."

"Okay, then: I knew that's what you were do-"

There were no tears this time, and no tripping over thin air either. Just happiness at the prospect of a life together.

Suddenly, despite Dumbledore's death and everything else that had happened, winning this war didn't seem so far-fetched anymore.

**I kinda feel like the ending just petered out there, and I'm not happy about that, so I'm offering a very special chance to all those awesome enough to review: Supply what you think would make a great last line to this, and if I find one I really like, I'll replace mine and give you credit for helping me! Please? I'm desperate!**

**You can review or not, but remember that I take not reviewing as you didn't like it, and I do check the number of hits regularly. I'd really like to know what you think either way! 3, GP**


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